Happy Anniversary Baby

Today is my anniversary. As each year passes without Jerry the less I can remember how very happy we were on this day.

My son and daughter-in-law and 1 year old grandson stood up for us. At the courthouse with a Justice of the Peace. All the clerks surprised up by coming in and singing 'Going to the Chapel.' A rollicking, laughing good time was had by all. They probably still remember us there!

I miss you baby.

The puppies miss you.

Goodbye Papi

We went up to Chippewa Lake up north in Michigan to say goodbye to Jerry. His favorite place in the whole world was Horsehead Lake but they didn't have cabins to rent on that lake. But we were able to scatter his ashes and it was such an unbelievable feeling of release for me.

I was able to say goodbye finally and feel a little better.

You are missed my darling Jerry Sweet and you suck a little less today.

Bobo and Meja Mommy

Bully sticks

Bobo and Meja got their first bully sticks yesterday. I had no idea of such things. And at $6.99 per they'll probably not get them often but Oh.My.God they love love love them. Here are a couple pics:

Bobo says 'What chu lookin at?'

He had just had his eyes tucked and they'd put pink stitches in, the nerve!

And here's a picture of my love Jerry Sweet, the pups Papi.






As you all can see I'm not a photographer. And I no nothing of Photoshop or any other software that tweaks pictures. So what you see is what you get. And did anyone know that photographing black Sharpei is difficult?

Sorry to have been gone so long

The holidays have wiped me out! Not literally because I didn't spend a dime. I made ALL presents. I made dress up suitcases for the grandkids, pictures in frames for everyone else. I realized last year when the kids were opening 312 presents and not caring about 1 that a real gift should be something that would last. I thought of giving them a cow or pig or chicken from that charity that then gives them to a family that can self-sustain, but I didn't. I did do that, just not in the kids' names. Therefore the dress up suitcases. Maybe after all the hoopla their imaginations will take over. One could hope.

Christmas was blah for me. Jerry Sweet died four years ago. I'm still trying to get over it.

Now about this tattoo - every time I see my inside forearm I'm having a hard time reconcilling the tattoo with the me. You know I'm a pretty straight laced computer consultant and then the tattoo. Don't get me wrong I love the tattoo, it's helping me to say goodbye, but I'm just having a hard time with my me being branded like that. I'll adjust.

Happy New Year to all... May it bring exactly what you want. (me too except I don't know what I want!)

Tattoo me

I got a tattoo!!! Of an angel baby with RIP 10/9/04. I've wanted to do if for, well 4 years but was too chicken. But with Justin here, he got one too, my bravery shot up. It was cathartic. My way of maybe finally saying goodbye. Next year we're going to scatter him in his favorite lake in Horsehead Lake outside of Mecosta Michigan.

The puppies are all, were's out pictures forever imprinted on your arm mommy? Ah never puppies...

He spoke me

I read a fantastical blog once and he said his son spoke him. I loved that phrase so much. I never knew what it was but I believe my husband spoke me. I certainly don't have the literary chops to have originally come up with it, but Jerry Sweet spoke me. I was Pam Kidwell when I met him. After a couple dates he said something along the lines of 'oh baby sweet'. I didn't become Pam Sweet for some 12 years after. But I was 'Baby Sweet' from that time on. He spoke me. How to recover from that?

Mad props to Black Hockey Jesus from The Wind In My Vagina for his originalness (of course that's a word!)

Does thou protest too much

My husband was a cool dude. He just was. He emanated cool. He wasn't flashy, he wasn't trying too hard, he was just cool. I learned a lot from him. I learned that you didn't have to shout your greatness, your genius, your wealth, your cool, you just had to be. Those people that tell you 'I'm really tough, I can kick your ass. Or I'm so smart my IQ is 160, or I make X dollars so I'm better than you.' Those people are posers. Their self esteem is dictated by their 'that'.

How you are, how you carry yourself, that's the cool.

And as my big bad cool dude used to say 'if you don't start any shit there won't be any shit'!

Grace bitch slaps me in the face

Ok so we live in a place that has about 50 acres out back. I rent a teeny little house but the pups and I have the run of the acreage. And we do. Well I don't run but you get the point. My neighbor has cut trails out and you can walk for what seems like ever. Maze like back and forth.

So the dogs and I were taking a walk yesterday afternoon and in my delusion decided to run a bit with them and try to hide in the maze. Yeah, long story short they're smarter than me. The bad thing is I'd put my iPhone in my bra so as to be ever ready to take that all important call, also to get a buzz from the vibrate if someone did indeed call ;)

Well no one called but I lost my phone!!! In the leaves somewhere in the maze of 50 acres!!! Tell me that doesn't deserve multiple exclamation points?

I searched and searched, called myself bad names, asked the dogs to find my phone, asked Jerry to find my phone, nuttin. I finally realized the futility of this search and came in and sent my beloved (not) AT&T an email asking how to get a new phone when the original purchaser (me!) was too cheap to buy the insurance.

Then in a burst of positive energy and life affirming good juju we went out to search again. And I found the mother fucking phone! Like a needle in a haystack of 50acres of piles of leaves I found the mother fucking phone!

I really do believe in Grace. That poem that I published before is something I say multiple times a day.

But... never in my wildest dreams did I think Grace would rise up and bitch slap me like this!!!